is it really over?

its been a whole year...at least an academic year. its gone by so fast, do we actually remember what happened? yes there were some moments that we'll always savour, some ( actually quite a few) that i want to forget but will unfortunately stay with me. but i look back and i realise that i've grown as an individual. i've always felt that its the lows in one's life which define their fibre. and yea i've not always responded how ive wanted to, but thats life. i always had this idea that people will be concerned for ya, will look out for ya, i guess it aint always true. and yea i shouldnt be whining bout this and i aint. its a realisation that you've gotta take care of yaself, others will come forth, but not always. and sometimes the people who do come forth are unexpected visitors. visitors, because they are'nt always with ya, converstations with them are held occasionally. but today i realised that when you're really down, the people who really care will lend a hand. i thought this post would be bout this year, but i just went with what i felt like saying. for those who dont want to read this, or are rolling your eyes when you do read this, thats your call, but if i were ya i wouldnt have dropped by. for those who understand where im coming from, i sympathize for ya 'cos i'm guessing you've been here at some time. for the rest, i hope this makes ya look out for those close to ya, 'cos sometimes just a simple hi, how are ya? makes all the difference.

over my head?

hey folks, the bored and complicated me's back. just got back after a rather enjoyable saturday out, at the World Bank Youth Space Dialogue, which was really good fun. got to meet quite a few new people, and met up with a few familiar faces as well..and i have to say that im very glad i chose to go for this 'cos somethings that were raised were issues that i didnt really care for intially, but now im startin to think more about. they day's coming to a close with the blues beatin the reds in the merseyside derby, thrilling result for all us United fans.

anyway, the reason i decided to update is cos i found a song with lyrics that relate to me...haha and no they aint emo. surprised? haha..

I never knew
I never knew
that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears
Everyone knows I'm in Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between
Everyone knows I'm in Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind
Everyone knows I'm in Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind
And suddenly
I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves
And everyone knows I'm in Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind
Everyone knows
She's on your mind
Everyone knows I'm in over my head
I'm in over my head I'm in over...
Everyone knows I'm in Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind


im still living in a fantasy i guess, but at least i know im in over my head

ha..someone's actually dropped by...

i dropped by to take a look at the tagboard and i have 1 new tag...rather refreshin to see that someone does occasionally drop by to see if ive gotten off my lazy arse to write summat'. well i was thinkin bout it and then i thought..na..i'll wait a bit longer..and then i actually got a request..more like a reason not to continue with chem tutorial but even then..ha.

well for me as per normal..erythin's a tad bit confusin..something happened..dont really know what but i know it aint good...hopefully in the end it'll turn out alrite..though i have been talking to loadsa new folks quite often recently and it feels good to get to know people who i see nearly eryday beyond the superficial level..and yea it feels good when you finally understand why things are the way they are when you find out more..amidst the enlightenment though was the warning of the math test..completely blew it..i know it..my tutor knows it..i'm actually rather impressed at his unsurmountable patience..especially with me..'cos he knows i can do well...and he only see's that when marks are not counted..sad isnt it? ha..at least now with erythin coming to a standstill i can start studyin..as much as i dont want to acknowledge 'em, the promos are coming and in 28 days mind you..james' nick reminds me eryday when log on to msn. ha..alrite then, thanks to the folks who've helpd me out o late..and for all those who've made life alot more interestin..and id like to actually thank you (go back to your chem apres ca) cos i never did after the whole bazaar disaster :)..and not just for that..but most importantly for being a friend. Merci beacoup mademoiselle.

its coming

its been 7 whole months (and a bit more) since we got here..doesnt it feel longer..at the same time its amazin how much has happened o'er 7 months..ha..ok forget that..lately its sunk in that in bout 40 days the promos are comin...and surprisingly enough...weird things are happenin...people who've never really bothered to study too much are makin the library their second home..the councillors...mug in the morn..cos apparently with all the stuff's thats coming up...we dont have the luxury of afternoons and evenings in air con with all the notes that people try to make sense of. where do i figure in all o this..no where really..i've been wanting to mug, and for reasons of other work, havent been able to..however when i do get back and the opportunity does arise for me to look thru' the incomprehensible doodles that comprise of my notes, i'm either not able to focus..or i just dont want to...and the mornin after i wonder what the hell went thru my mind..and the whole thing kinda repeats..well kinda...other than that life's been alright..i'm sensing an internal struggle but cant really figure out what it is..ha..sounds lame?..well i dont have to explain it to ya now do i?

ps. i wanna holla at a good friend o mine who has been kindly requestin for an update for a while, ha..sorry bout that, so for all the delays, this one's dedicated to you mademoiselle..and thanks for being there for me :)

for now its all over...stop worrying bout everythin on the board and just focus..if it's to happen it might..but later...for now its done. been slowly easin in to life in rj and yea its taken 7 months for total comfort and for those lookin at this and wonderin...think about your own journey...it might not have been as long but definitely longer than you'd have expected...maye im wrong..but i dont really care :) oh well..for those who expect to see more emotional stuff on this blog i'm going to have to say look elsewhere. to the folks on my board, thanks for erythin, but it ends here.

friends you'll come to realise are too valuable to lose..glad i got one back.

idiot...

why me? why is it me who gives in? why?

new perspective?

its been an enlightenin' experience these past few weeks, come to realise quite a bit about life and people. ive made countless mistakes...i've said things i shouldn't have...i havent been there for the people who mean most to me...and i've been doing everythin i've never wanted to do...and yes its a self cleansin process o sorts that i've gotta go thru now and hopefully everythin turns out alrite...even though i know it probably won't...but there have been good times, got acquainted with a best friend, learnt amazingly 3 chords for the guitar and....